Sunday, March 20, 2011

{What would I be doing?}

A lot of times I ask myself that question.
"What would I be doing if I weren't staying home with my sweet little monster Monkey Man?".

Don't get me wrong --
{I'm sooo blessed to be able to stay home}
Believe me, I know that! 

I'm so thankful for the opportunity to be able to always be there.
To catch every "first", to take him to appointments, to paint with pudding, to go for play dates with friends.
and sometimes I feel so ungrateful complaining.

But this is my blog - about my life.
and this is my life. :) 
and I'm keeping it real.
and for some reason - I think a lot of people can relate.
because we ALL had lives before babies! :)

but sometimes -- just sometimes - 
when I'm having one of those days ... 
one of those days where the hubs is SO busy studying he can't help at all -
when monkey man won't stop fussing ...
when he needs my CONSTANT attention 24/7 ...
when he wants to be held the WHOLE day --
when he's broken a million things around the house ...
when the house is filthy, dinner needs to be cooked --
and the piles of laundry are taller than my 5'7 body....

{Those kinda days ...}
(we all know those days, right?)

I think to myself ---
"man, I need a job and he's going to daycare!".
{like immediately ... as in tomorrow morning}

You see, I NEVER planned on being a "stay at home mom".
NO WAY! 
I had HUGE plans for my life.
with my almost perfect GPA
and dual degree in International Business & German ...
I was going to be a big time business woman.
Fitted pinstriped skirt suits, briefcases, Blackberries...
My dream job was the Diplomatic Program with the State Dept.
Or perhaps investment banking.
I wanted to travel the world with my take no prisoners attitude.

So after college - I moved to DC.
(after a wild 4-month stint backpacking in South America)
to pursue my dreams ... these HUGE dreams I had.

But then I met the boy.
The one who ROCKED my world.
and that is an understatement. 

We were engaged after 58 days!

Married after 7 months ...


and had Monkey Man 10 months later.


It was a whirlwind.
Oh and somewhere in between all of that - 
we moved from DC to Texas.
The hubs joined the Navy.
Got accepted to Flight School.
Left for Officer Candidate School (3 months).
The babe and I moved back to DC while he was gone.
and then we all moved to Florida, (where we are now).
{for about 2 more months ... then the Navy will have its way with us!}

so you see?
I haven't really had the time to follow those dreams ...
and sometimes I miss work & school & being around ADULTS.
(thank goodness for play dates - they keep me sane!!)

But then I look in those BIG, beautiful eyes of that sweet little boy.
and he needs me.
he loves me. 
and somehow - I forget about everything I "wanted" to do pre-babies.
Because I know that I'm right where I'm supposed to be ...
doing EXACTLY what I want to be doing!
and there isn't a place I'd rather be....
Big time diplomat, Investment Banker or mom!?
{I'd rather be MOMMY any day!}

until I have one of "those days" --
and then I dream of sitting in an Embassy,
somewhere foreign and probably dangerous...
working my butt off - but probably way too busy for a family.
and that. makes. me. sad.
because I can't imagine a world without the hubs & monkey.
They make everything worth it ...
all the sacrifice and the 24/7 job as "mom".

oh - but you better believe, the minute these kids leave the house.
I'll be a working girl.
Fo sho. 

Am I alone?
Am I the only one who feels this way sometimes? :)

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4 comments:

  1. I'm sure I can speak on the behalf of most of the mommies out there in blog land and say we've all had those days. Personally, I also miss my career as a nurse. I found it later on in life and there is still so much I want to do too but I won't have traded being with miss grabby grabby all this time either. Great post!

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  2. I've definitely had those days!

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  3. Such a sweet post! Definitely something I need to keep in mind as I'm just a college student.

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  4. I wish I was still at those play dates to help keep you sane!

    Things didn't move as quickly for my family, but sometimes I feel like it isn't slowing down, so kudos to you! I hope you don't have too many of "those days" {and I know what you're talking about!} any time soon. Squeeze Monkey Man for me (I guess the hubs too, as long as he squeezes you back, I miss all 3.5 of you!)

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