Saturday, June 18, 2011

Mom Advice - The Dreaded Discipline?

Confession: My child is a hitter.
and he hates to share.
{so basically he's a typical 16 month old boy}

but I'm curious --
how do you handle discipline in public?

you know, let's say, if you are at the children's museum and your son sucker punches another little kid in the stomach because he doesn't want to share his toy. or if you're at the bounce house and your son slaps a kid in the face because he doesn't want to let anyone else go down the slide. or perhaps you're at Target and he throws the biggest tantrum known to man because he doesn't want to walk down that aisle.

I mean - those are totally just hypothetical situations....
MY child would NEVER do such things.
and especially not ALL in one day.

but seriously - how do you handle that situation?

I'm a big fan of time out ...
and since he's still a little too young to sit by himself, 
I sit him in my lap and hold his arms across his body. 
for one minute, because he's one.
He hates being constrained and definitely knows he was wrong.
But I feel like people look at me like I'm crazy.

But this works better for us than spankings ... 
when we spank, he hits us back.
and I feel like that's not really teaching him anything! 

p.s. I know people have STRONG opinions about spanking & discipline ... 
please keep those to yourselves -- we like friendly talk around here! :) 
no haters allowed. :) haha. 

I'm just wondering ... what works for you?
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  1. At 16 mos of age I handled it this way... saying "no" and "we don't hit" and apologizing for my child to the other child and responsible adult with that child. If the behavior happened again, we would do the apology thing after saying "no" again and then we would just leave wherever we were. There were stretches of time where we didn't go anywhere because it just wasn't worth it :P

    Good luck to you :)

  2. I would have to agree with the above commenter. However I would refrain from using the word "No" to often and say something like "hitting hurts" and remove your child from the situation redirecting him else wear after apologizing. If it happens again I would say repeat "hitting hurts" and then leave.

    If a tantrum happens while you are out and does not involve hurting someone else I would pick up and leave.

    I love the Dr. Sears website for anything and everything they have a lot of great information on there for just about everything. This is a good guide for discipline:

  3. I really like your version of time-out. I may give that a try.

    My little guy is 15 months old, and so far, our time outs usually involve me just sitting him down on his butt after he's received a warning. That usually makes him pretty upset, but I think some of the lesson is lost because he can get back up almost right away. I like your idea, though!

    It's tough to deal with, isn't it? Hang in there! It sounds like you're doing a good job.

  4. Oh Mama - do I know what you're talking about! I totally feel dumb too when mine hits and then I smack his hand and say, "no hit". haha! It's like saying, "I'm a hypocrite".
    If I'm trying extra hard and try to parent a better way, I focus on how it makes the other person feel in my reprimand and say that hitting hurts or that hurts him/her or makes them sad. Then we have to apologize and give a hug to say sorry.
    This is always my consolation - He won't be hitting his teachers in school because they gave him a detention. He WILL grow out of it. Best to you!

  5. i really like your way of disciplining him, since with the hug it shows that although you are angry, and he is misbehaving, and you are restraining his movements, you are still in a hugging pose. calmly talking to him and reminding him to calm down and it's not ok to do that is all good stuff. i don't think there's anything wrong with no. he needs to know, you don't do that. that is a no behavior. hitting hurts, and no, you don't do that.

  6. I often find myself asking E when she's throwing a tantrum using the words for different emotions she may be feeling - sad, mad, frustrated, etc. - so that she'll learn that those are words and phrases she can use to communicate once she's got that ability {right now, screaming is the only thing she does.} When E hits {or does anything else for that matter} she has 1 warning of "if...then" and its usually "...then you will go to timeout." We did timeout at the pool the other day. I try my hardest to always tell her why she was in timeout once its over and then get a hug.

    I guess my opinion about in public places, is that its my child and I'm going to do what works for us. Remember your post about having "that kid?" There are always going to be people who don't understand, but discipline is something that has to happen and unfortunately it isn't going to make the child happy - if it did, what would you accomplish?!


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