Friday, August 5, 2011

Just the two of us ...



Is it just me - or are second pregnancies are not quite as fun?
I mean, it's no longer all about YOU!!
You have another little peanut to care for and chase after.
You don't get to nap when you want.
plus you have way more laundry and responsibility!

Not to mention, I'm not nearly as "educated" about this pregnancy.
The first time around I knew everything.
I read every word in my "What to Expect" book.
I knew exactly what size fruit he was each week. (haha)
I knew what he was doing, when he could hear and open his eyes.
This time .... yeah right!?
I'm lucky if I remember I'm pregnant. 

This second pregnancy has seemed a bit surreal -- like, you know - I haven't really stopped to think about the fact that there is a REAL baby cooking in there. It hasn't really hit me, that at the end of this "journey", I'll have TWO -- very REAL and VERY active BABY BOYS!

Sure my belly is getting larger.
I can barely see my feet.
The scale is reading a {terribly} large number.
The stretch marks are returning.
The lactose-intolerance is miserable.
The swelling is coming with a vengeance.
The wedding rings are off.
and comfy shoes are on.
But I hadn't really thought about what life would be like with TWO.
until today that is.
and today it hit me like a semi truck.


heeeeeeeeellllllllllloooooo third trimester emotions.
{i blame them for making me crazy}


For the first time I thought about it no longer being just Nelson & I.
You see, the hubs is rarely home{stupid flight school} ---
and it's always just been Nelson and I.

We're a team.
We're Buddies.
His schedule is my schedule.
I nap when he naps.
I eat when he eats.
We snuggle.
We play.
We do everything together.

but all that is about to change.
and that makes me scared.
and nervous.
and a little sad.

How can I possibly love someone else the way I love Nelson?

Now please don't get me wrong --
I am soooo excited about baby boy #2!
I can't wait to kiss those cheeks!
and snuggle at night.
I just LOVE that sweet new baby smell.
I can't wait to see who he looks like.
and whose personality he has.
Will he be a snuggler?
I wonder if he'll sleep more than Nelson did?
and {hopefully} he'll scream a little less. :) 

But as I was laying on the couch this morning,
snuggling with my little monkey ---
Just for a moment ... I was sad.
I'm going to miss my "nelson time".
I'm going to miss it being just the two of us!

I can't be the only mom who has felt this way.
It's normal, right?
because you see, I've felt this way before.

Nelson was three days old and it was our first day at home with him.
He was colicky and completely inconsolable.
He screamed for so long that he was hoarse.
Breastfeeding was a disaster.
and my hormones were making me crazy.
I felt completely incompetent as a mother --
and I just began to cry.

I instantly missed my alone time with the hubs.
The time when it was just the two of us --
when we would sleep late on the weekends and watch Lost together in bed.
When we would get take-out and snuggle on the couch.
When we would go to the movies or out with friends as LATE as we wanted.

Now obviously these feelings didn't last forever ... two short days later I couldn't imagine my life without that screaming baby who was stealing my George time and I know it will be exactly the same with sweet baby #2!

But until baby #2 makes his debut (any day now) -- I'm going to enjoy every moment with monkey man, these moments where it's "just the two of us".

.... because i'm not quite for my baby to no longer be "the baby".

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6 comments:

  1. so, if I already have some of those thoughts in my first trimester, are you saying they're only going to intensify as I get into my third?!

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  2. Oh my goodness, I could have written that about a year ago! I had those exact same emotions. My baby boy was 8 months old when I got pregnant with my daughter, and I actually had a couple of moments when I felt a teeny bit irritated at the new baby for taking away my alone time with my baby boy--almost as if somehow his babyhood would be rushed. I had to stop breast-feeding him earlier than I had planned due to my pregnancy, and that was frustrating. And, like you, I wondered if some of the sweetness of being three would somehow go away. About two weeks before I had our daughter, my husband and I--without even really discussing it--started letting our boy sleep with us (I know, I know)--but it worked out fine. He went right back to his crib just fine, no long-term terrible effects, and we relished every moment of snuggling as a family of three. And then our little girl came along . . . I never thought life could get any more beautiful, but it did with the first second she was born. I hope you'll be encouraged . . . it's about to get SO MUCH BETTER!!

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  3. You sound EXACTLY like me!! I swear word-for-word, I had the same thoughts. I was so hard after we had our youngest. You should have seen us the 1st trip to the store. It was so hard! But now our youngest is almost 9m old & we're already talking about trying for another in a year. It's hectic & chaotic, but worth every stressful moment. It will all work out- with time.

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  4. You're will be fine....They are blessings....I have four boys...It will be hard at first especially chasing them but later on it will be a rewarding feeling..

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  5. I feel the same way! You will be great though and will settle in. it will all be alright!

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  6. I cried the first week not just because I was so sleep deprived but because that bond between you and your oldest does change...but it gets so amazingly better! Those mornings you're nursing your new baby...you'll bond with him and you'll feel close to him and realize there is new love for your baby and your beautifully evolving family.
    Just remember it takes about 6 weeks before that new baby starts sleeping more than 3 hours. :)
    Goodluck and many blessings to your family

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